The Loss of Our Cat, Nala.
I suppose my first official blog post should catch you up to speed on where I’ve been. Many of my closest friends don’t even know the answer to this question. 2018 was a very private year for me. It housed the absolute best day of my life and also some of the worst. This blog post is Part 1 of 3. Click here to read Part 2 and Part 3.
I think (chronologically), therefore I am (going to write chronologically)….
I started out 2018 continuing to deliver on a promise to myself and The Red Pill fans that I would release one “Raw File” video every week. The Red Pill: Raw Files were never-before-seen footage from the making-of The Red Pill documentary, essentially unedited interviews. Although it was very time-consuming and kept me from working on other projects, in the long run, I’m thrilled that I released 45 episodes of the Raw Files, something I’ve never seen any other documentary filmmaker do. I’m not sure why, but I suspect that many documentary filmmakers’ completed films do not reflect the truth of what they uncovered in their unedited footage. I didn’t have anything to hide, so I had no problem releasing the raw footage, and I’m glad it has given people more content to watch and consider.
So, I continued releasing weekly Raw Files up until May 28, 2018. What people don’t know is that May was the worst month I’d had in a long time (before November broke that record).
To back it up a bit, a year earlier, in May 2017, my boyfriend of 6 years (Evan) proposed to me. Then, in May 2018, we had a horrible fight, it was so bad that it made me question going through with our wedding which was the very next month! I imagine that many bride and grooms go through a final obstacle right before their wedding day, because if there’s any true test of your love, it should probably happen before you marry, but we all like to procrastinate things we don’t want to do, or things we don’t want to face, so it’s the perfect storm: have your biggest make-or-break moment in your relationship right before your wedding day! Woo hoo.
So, we had our big fight that started on May 8. Then, exactly one week later, on May 15, Evan and I were putting on our shoes getting ready to go visit his mom for a belated Mother’s Day brunch when we just so happened to notice our angel, our baby, the sweetest soul we’ve ever known, our Nala (a rescue kitty we adopted 4 years prior) couldn’t use her back legs. They just completely ceased to work as she continued to try to walk around the living room in a visible panic. Evan and I rushed to her and within seconds she was thrown into a full-on tornado of a seizure. It’s like her whole body turned into one of those giant air-powered frantically dancing tube men you see at car dealerships. We couldn’t hold her still.
We rushed her to the emergency pet hospital where they told us her body was failing and there was nothing they could do to save her. They told us she was much older than we believed (she was believed to be 8 when we adopted her, making her now 12, but the vet said her x-rays showed her to be closer to 18). They said we could either give her a peaceful passing by putting her “to sleep” or give her the possibility of the scariest, most painful experience of her life which would result in the same outcome.
We spent one last night with her at home because I wasn’t ready, but that night she clearly showed me she was ready and the next day we said our long, tear-filled goodbyes. We buried her with her favorite toy and with Evan’s amethyst that he carried with him everyday. I made her a heart-shaped blanket out of her favorite pillowcase and I sewed her name into it by hand. We placed a single rose on her grave every sunset for 12 days. She was the sweetest soul we’ve ever known and I still don’t think I’ve moved past the pain of losing her.
Now knowing that Nala wouldn’t see 2019, the timing of her passing couldn’t have been better; when Evan and I were threatening to unravel everything we’ve built together over the last 7 years, she showed us what truly mattered: love, family, acceptance and being kind to one another. We’re all just children, now deceptively in adult bodies. We’re hurt easily. We hurt easily. We’re not perfect. We just need love and patience from others and to know that we can bounce back from anything. Our mistakes don’t define us, so we need to support others through their struggles because you’ll want to be offered the same acceptance when you’re struggling. Evan and I worked through our issues, we grieved together, forgave each other, and we came out stronger than ever before.
Read Next: “Where Have You Been? Part 2 of 3“
Richard Elliott January 10, 2019 at 10:14 am
yes, it was a sup[erb speech and should be widely shared,
Faye January 9, 2019 at 10:08 pm
Brilliantly candid. Excited to read part 2/3 and 3/3! If you’re interested in exploring other blogs, me and my best friend have started (and procrastinated) and restarted posting on our blog ‘Enlightened Femininity’. We’d be honoured if you checked it out as your Red Pill movie really moved and inspired us. Regardless, keep posting and we’ll keep reading 🙂
Bryan Scandrett January 10, 2019 at 12:58 am
Stop poking the grammar nazi’s.
Klopfer January 10, 2019 at 1:35 am
That blog post really touched my heart because it reminded me of my own cat. She was small, cute and just couldn’t be without me. A few years ago, also in May, her health rapidly declined, and the vet also revealed to me that she was much older than I originally thought. She suffered and there was no chance she’d get better, so I had to let her go. I kissed and petted her when the vet prepared the shot, and I didn’t stop until she slept. I tried to be strong, but as soon as I was out on the street I couldn’t hold it in and just cried all the way home. People on the street probably wondered why this strange man was in tears, but I didn’t care. I still think of her very often. She was amazing, and I am sure Nala was amazing as well.
I hope the new year will be much better for you.
Tim Goldich January 10, 2019 at 1:37 am
Made me think of Buzz. He was my pall for 12 years. I never wept so uncontrollably as when he was “put to sleep” in my arms. The deaths of friends and family members is more profound, but the love of a pet is so pure, uncomplicated, unambiguous. The loss and the sadness are equally pure. My eyes filled with tears thinking about Buzz.
Dwight Ott January 10, 2019 at 2:00 am
Cassie, your love for Naia may lead you into doing a discovery documentary about animal rights. Many people can easily see that pets are sentient creatures but do not dare look at “food” animals as such…or “game” animals…or “zoo” animals, etc.
I bought “The Red Pill” when it was first available and appreciate your work very much. Consider following that up with “The Red Dinner Plate”.
Vivian January 10, 2019 at 5:48 pm
I’ve always been interested in the relationships between the sexes and I feel very strongly that it’s horribly destructive that so many of us are indoctrinated into a mindset of seeing members of the other sex as having interests that are diametrically opposed to our own, as if men and women are engaged in an eternal struggle.
I have been amazed with Cassie’s empathic skills ever since I saw her TED talk “Meeting the Enemy”. She seems to have a rare ability to care about something or someone, and then urge her listeners to care the same.
There already exist a number of very hard-hitting documentaries about animal rights. “Earthlings” and “Dominion” come to mind. I’ve seen “Earthlings”, but not “Dominion”. The makers of “Dominion” regard their film as so hard-hitting that they provide a web page with self-care suggestions for people who are distressed by having seen it.
Earthlings, narrated by Phoenix Joaquin, uses graphic footage to describe barbaric exploitation of animals. At first, when I read your comment, Dwight, I thought to myself that there’s really nothing to add to a film like that; what more is there to tell that the pictures don’t tell already? But giving it some thought, someone like Cassie could perhaps make a more powerful connection to the viewer that would move some viewers who are not moved so much by images alone.
Brian January 10, 2019 at 3:22 am
So sorry about your cat. They really do become like children.
Mike January 10, 2019 at 5:45 pm
When I read your words about your cat Nala I had a flashback to my cat Venus. My former wife and I had been married for about 4 months and expecting our first child when we noticed Venus wasn’t eating and had turned yellow from liver failure. Long story short, I had to put her down which ended up being the most heartbreaking event I had ever experienced up to that moment. I had been single for over 10 years prior and for the majority of that time it was just me and her against the world. Losing a close pet is oftentimes difficult but, in the end, I’m glad her final gift to you was to help you and Evan grow stronger together.
William Lyman January 10, 2019 at 7:29 pm
In 1974, when my wife, Donna, was pregnant with our first child, we rescued a two day old kitten found by a four year old boy in an abandoned car. We were living in a tent in my father-in-law’s apple orchard in Sebastopol. I was 21 years old. I had just got a job working the swing shift in a glue-lam factory and was trying hard to shoulder the burden of providing for my growing family. I came home from work one night to the wail of a tiny ink-black kitten, eyes still shut tight, pleading with every ounce of its being for nourishment. Donna had tried all day and failed to get it to eat and was distraught at the prospect of it’s impending demise if we couldn’t get something into it’s stomach. I was exhausted and considered accepting defeat, but the kitten’s insistent mewling bespoke a desire to live out of all proportion to its miniscule size, and drove me to persist in what seemed like a fool’s errand. After many failed attempts, I finally succeeded in getting it to drink a few droplets of milk from the palm of my hand. After many repetitions throughout the nearly sleepless night, the first of many to come, the kitten’s fate seemed to have turned, and I felt like I had passed some sort of test about my worthiness of the new life growing in Donnas womb. Six months later, after we moved into a basement apartment in Santa Rosa and Donna gave birth to our first daughter, the kitten, now nearly grown, contracted distemper. When the veterinarian told me there was no help for it, I broke down. I was ashamed of appearing weak, and maybe childish, but the depth of my grief was simply bottomless. I wish I could remember that kitten’s name.
William Lyman January 10, 2019 at 10:46 pm
I remembered. It’s Siren.
Jerry Cox January 10, 2019 at 11:14 pm
Sorry to hear about your furry friend, i know what its like cause my furry friend Arrow waa gone after I was released from being falsely accused! Some say Mariposa Animal control shot him in cold blood.
I would like to share my story when you have time as it may be pertinent to your series
Ken January 11, 2019 at 3:23 am
Aw, so sorry for your loss. My cat who I found on the street as a tiny little kitten and who has been with me now for 11 years was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I give her heart medications every day but the vet says she only has 1-2 years to live. I don’t want to think about her leaving me… It’s kind of funny though because our lives have this parallel, my cat got sick right around when my wife and I really had a lot of troubles. But where our stories differ though is my cat is still with me, but my wife is not… :'(
J. Hollake January 11, 2019 at 9:40 pm
This was touching. Thanks for sharing.
Avi January 12, 2019 at 11:18 am
I cried just now thinking about my kitty too ? she was the cutest thing ever. Tbh I was more upset when she died than I was when my grandpa died. In my defence we weren’t really that close. I grew up in a boarding school and barely saw him once in a leap year. Literally.
TheBlueHeron January 14, 2019 at 3:29 pm
I’m sorry that you lost your cat. I think most of us have gone through that, and it’s horrible. I think I cried harder after losing my cats than I did losing my parents, but human relationships, as you say are so much more complicated. I’m glad that Nala brought you and Evan back together.
P.S. Looks like the spambots found you, grrrrr.
David Minks II January 18, 2019 at 2:29 am
Sorry to hear about Nala. When you have pets, they become family. Putting them to sleep is so hard, but in the end you have to do what’s best for them…even if you just really want to be selfish and keep them around as long as you can.
On a much better note, I’m glad you and your boyfriend worked things out. Finding the right person is filled with pitfalls and wrong turns. As the show Game of Thrones puts it, “For the night is long, and full of terrors”….lol. (Or at least sometimes it can be). Very happy for you both. FYI—Your Red Pill documentary actually made my wife cry. She hates documentaries, but watched yours because she found it so compelling. Wanted you to know that in case there was any doubt about your work affecting people. Much love to you from our family to yours.
Michael January 19, 2019 at 8:14 pm
I have watched and appreciated all of the #RPRF. The maker of the 2009 docu about HIV “House of Numbers” released hundreds of hours of unused interview footage in response to accusations that he’d taken people out of context or distorted their positions.
Gabriel August 4, 2019 at 9:39 pm
Actually I am a Brazilian student, and I see everyday thousand of aggressive comments against the works that this woman does, and when I read this, I think the people forgot how be humans. This history touched me, not because describe the situation of women, men, black people (sorry if is racist, in my country this expression is normal), etc, but touched me because tell a human history, tell about difficulties, love, pain and hope, anyway, I think that the future of our species is not a ideology, is not a revolution of government, but will be histories been told, not what I think that something, but how I live when I suffer something, how I move on, and this histories will change the world. Thank you, for tell us ideas, ideologies, but also tell us your story.
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- Serg on My Dear Friend Was Murdered
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Your meeting my enemy monologue was one for the history books it was so well done I thought abe Lincoln was giving his address speech I would like to see more on mens rights.